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Maybe being in the market for a partner can't be compared with using other services. Michael Norton, Ph.D., a professor at the Harvard Business School who studies consumer behavior, thinks so. Online dating is different from shopping for, say, Find Locals Who Want To Fuck a sweater, he explains: "Once you decide on the sweater you want, you can get it. But with dating, the sweater must agree, too. "
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Online dating provides malignant narcissists and sociopaths access to numerous sources of narcissistic supply -- people who can provide them with compliments, admiration, and resources -- without the need for any form of investment, commitment or accountability. These digital platforms also enablenarcissists to construct an extremely persuasive and compelling false mask which lures potential targets into different scams. But perhaps the largest 'scam' is when a narcissistic predator 'cons' their goal in an abusive relationship, while introducing himself or herself as the ideal partner.
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But high on the list of what Chris and I agree on (just beneath the significance of list-making): If you care enough about someone to have a relationship with her, you don't stop caring just because the relationship ends. There are countless ways to "have" someone, and I trust our transition to friendship will go smoothly, largely because we both keep our emotions in a padlocked box on a shelf in another room in a home in another city.
It was with an air of desperation and a vision of the grey haired version of Richard Gere, only maybe a bit taller, that I entered the world of online dating. Here's what I heard: My generation is back in high school.
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So it would seem that we're back to the perils of disembodiment yet again. Online dating can be a terrific way to meet people, but when pitched too high (or when it will become the only avenue for romantic endeavor), it can also exacerbate consumerist attitudes toward romance that place couples up for failure, ignoring as they do the compromise/sacrifice element of love, which arranged marriage appears to acknowledge up front. If you want to get shocked along those lines, hear the latest episode of the Reply All podcast, which uncovers the online vicissitudes of this phenomenon called "yellow fever". Oy vey.
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